


Can't Get a Guy with a Gun

by likeadeuce



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Backstory, Female Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Military Academy, Show tunes, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-27
Updated: 2011-06-27
Packaged: 2017-10-20 18:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeadeuce/pseuds/likeadeuce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy and Riza aren't very chatty, so Hughes asks Rebecca for some Academy stories. She obliges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Get a Guy with a Gun

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the song lyric prompt at fma_fic_contest, so Hughes quotes lyrics from "Can't Get a Guy with a Gun," from the musical "Annie, Get Your Gun!". If pressed, I could justify both this play existing in the FMA universe and Maes Hughes knowing all the songs.

"Catalina!" Hughes waved at Rebecca across the officers' mess.

He made room on the bench beside him, across from Roy and Riza, and none too soon. These two were his friends, but they weren't lively company when they fell into a mode of communication that consisted largely of raised eyebrows and significant pauses. Hughes knew if he'd worked with them every day it would be different, but sometimes they could make him feel loud and obvious and out-of-the-loop.

"Welcome!" Hughes said to Rebecca. "Sit! Tell us stories about Hawkeye."

"Huuuuughes," Roy warned.

Hughes ignored him. "You two were roomies, right? There must've been some Academy hijinks, even for our formidable lieutenant."

"We-l-l-l-l-l…"

"I don't care," said Riza.

"OK!" Rebecca clasped her hands and began, "I come home late this time. I don't want to wake her. So I go in the dark but I'm a liiittle drunk. . ."

"You're very drunk. And you suck at stealth."

"For whatever reason. I fall. Hard. Skid across the floor, bang into the wardrobe. There's a crash and I swear, ten seconds. The light goes on, and I'm staring into the barrel of Riza Hawkeye's service weapon."

Hughes clapped. "Well done, Hawkeye. It was wartime. She could've been a terrorist."

" _That's_ not the story," said Rebecca. "See, she'd been sleeping in – wearing, well. Not much."

"Those dorms are very hot," said Riza.

"Right," said Hughes, and helpfully sang, " _They don't buy pajamas for pistol-packin' mamas._ " Roy kicked him under the table.

"So," said Rebecca. "I'm looking up. I see where she sort of had a blanket around her, but it slipped off, so I say." She put on a drunk voice. "'Hey, roomie. Dropped your blanket.' And _she_ says. . ." Lowering her pitch to a fair imitation of Riza's. "'It was the blanket or the pistol.'"

Riza finished chewing her muffin before speaking. "Then you said –" Imitating Rebecca "—'Not gonna lie, I'm kinda turned on right now.'"

Hughes' eyes shifted back to Rebecca, who said, primly, "I am comfortable enough in my heterosexuality to admit when being pinned down by a naked lady with a pistol makes me a little excited."

"And that is exactly how I interpreted your comment," said Riza.

Silence fell for a moment, and Hughes prompted. "So? What happened next?" The women both gave him a look. "Oh come on. I'm so married I don't even hear about things like this anymore."

Roy dropped his fork. "Lunch is over," he announced, then stood and walked off.

Hughes stared. "Did we just scandalize Roy Mustang? Because I didn't think that was possible."

"I doubt it was that," said Rebecca.

"I should go catch up with the Colonel," said Riza.

Hughes looked after her, then turned to Rebecca. "Are they --?"

"Nobody knows. If you don't know and I don't know? Nobody knows."

Hughes shook his head. "Can't get a guy with a gun, huh?" He looked at Rebecca. "Seriously, though. What happened next?"


End file.
